Body Language

Some people have a 6th sense about people, or so they say. In reality they read body language, interpret subtle clues about people’s motives and or agendas by what their body does or says. Now while I read body language, my husband picks up on voice cues, small fluctuations in someone’s tones. My hearing isn’t good enough for that, I must rely solely upon the clues they provide for me visually. Some people are easy to read, an open book of sorts, other conflicted, telegraphing 2 very distinct and yet very differing things all at the same time. Happiness and anger, an odd combination, and yet one I see all the time. People are weird. I’m not sure how you can be both happy and angry all at the same time, but they can, and are. Usually not for the same reasons, and yet sometimes it is. Weird eh? People always tell me before they say a word what’s going to come next.

People lie to me on a daily basis. I had 2 dogs come in that were in such horrid shape it nearly took a surgical blade to get under the matting on their bodies. The owner explained it was only in the past 6 weeks that they came to be like this. I looked at him, looked at the dogs, and wondered to myself how 3 years of matting could occur in only 6 weeks. Must be magic! The worst part of all of this is I read what they’re saying without effort. I can tell what someone is saying by merely looking at them. Embarrassment, pride, caution, bravado, you name the emotion the body displays it, as does it broadcast a big fat lie. Most people think they are wonderful liars, when in fact it’s a rare person indeed who doesn’t grossly suck at it. I rarely bother to contradict such things, not anymore at least my days of interrogation are long over. However the neon flashing “I’m lying my behind off” sign that blinks in their eyes I can’t miss. Usually I try not to laugh, and stifle it with a wide grin. I was born during the night, but not last night, sheesh. Seems people would like to believe their own lies as facts, and yet not even they believe them.

Reading body language can be as much a curse as it is a valued tool. Often times it tells me far more than I really wanted to know in the first place. I don’t really want to know that one of our guy friends thinks Matt’s younger sister is burning hot. Especially when they’re married with a child, both of which are standing only ten feet away, and their body language is more than suggestive of that fact that she is every bit the model that she actually is. In these cases I usually just walk up behind them and slap them in the back of the head. When they ask what it was for I level them a gaze and say simply, “You know what that was for.” They look doubtful for a moment, then sheepish as Matt’s eyes harden on them. He knows what that slap was for, while he may not know exactly what it was for, he knows he should probably be glaring at them, so he does. He’s good like that.

My husband never doubts that I can read people like a book and often asks me to assess someone, especially those he doesn’t know well. I am the only one who has been able to immediately read Matt’s body language even when he’s trying to hide it with slow subtle deliberate movements. I enjoy reading the body language of those I know and yet do not know exceptionally well. It’s fun. People have subtle habits, or to a poker player, a tell. These things are repeated things they do to either bring themselves comfort in an awkward situation, or under stress. Figuring these out is almost like a game. The first time I see the movement I try to guess if it’s a repeated one or not.

I like to people watch. It’s much more fun to watch those you don’t know, like in a mall and make up little stories of what’s going on behind all that body movement. In a store you see a young man and woman. Neither is wearing a wedding band. They are obviously a couple. They stand far enough apart from each other where the relationship is obviously still somewhat new. There is still the “personal space bubble” that gets lost in an intimate relationship.

(Women are the ones who violate this on a regular basis. We’re not trained like men are from a young age that “This is my space.” We just notice someone isn’t standing there and stand there. If you’re comfortable with someone the distance between a woman and that person reduces. It’s far more a matter of trust, where as to men that’s their space. I enjoyed dancing into senior officer’s space at the department, and could claim total innocence of the fact I was deliberately doing it to drive them insane. I know the rules; I just choose to ignore them. I would intentionally stand immediately next to my old Senior Officer, leaning mind you directly towards them, arms crossed in front of me creating the mental illusion of an immoveable object, intentionally putting more of me into his “claimed space”. If another man had done that they’d be glared at, until they moved. I’m not a man though and would give them the doe eyed look, and pretend I wasn’t intentionally standing in their “claimed space” but merely standing in an open spot. He would move slightly, shifting since I am a woman and not really a part of the whole space bubble thing, and yet I was a cop too so I was on another level. It was a great game, drove them crazy. There were a few it bothered more than others, two actually, my old Lt, and my old Senior Officer. Both were of course men with power, men with rank and due respect, and both I loved to tease in very subtle ways that only a woman could do. I’m what many would term a brat like that. Both I have a great deal of respect for, but also enjoyed them as human beings not merely my superiors.)

So there you have this young couple, he leans in a bit towards her, arms at his sides slightly apart from his body, palms facing her, while she holds a shirt up in front of him, yet not quite touching his chest. She stiffens ever so slightly in her shoulders, a slight flexion of her neck. He smiles, stands straighter, and yet still leaning toward her, she puts the shirt down and shakes her head. Now what occurred exactly? Did she not like the shirt? Perhaps she didn’t like the shirt, but she’s not overly fond of him either. Wait another few minutes they’ll be leaving the store soon or she’ll begin simply pointing things out until he gets what shirt he needs. Sadly he propositioned her and was rejected, and neither of them may even know what occurred. He was blown off in huge proportions; her entire body reacted to his offering and not in a positive way.

A small child’s eyes linger on a toy as she walks up the aisle with her father, her hand in his as he walks directly toward the back of the store. Her eyes bounce from the toy to him and back again, with a deep breath she begins to speak. You can’t hear the words, but you know what’s been asked. The father begins to shake his head, stops, looks at the child; his eyes meet hers and his brow furrows. He looks over at the toy. His goose is cooked, he’s buying it, and she’s already won, though neither of them may realize it yet. He shakes his head again, but doesn’t turn, her eyes become larger, wider, and rounder. Yes this one has learned young how to make the men in her life wish she didn’t know how to make the boo-boo face. He sighs, relents, hands her the toy and off they go to get what it was they came there for as he shakes his head wondering how the small child was so easily able to manipulate him. All of this seen from across a store, and yet there is no need for verbal cues as to what occurred. It’s widely apparent.

Most people don’t realize dogs read body language. They don’t communicate with constant barks and verbal cues. Almost all of their conversation is done by movement. I am training a new young groomer, nice girl, but when a dog becomes aggressive she immediately looses all control over the groom. She doesn’t have the confidence yet. Today she was grooming a dominant and opportunistically aggressive Terrier mix. She soldiered on through the entire thing, and then it came time to trim the face. She had spent the last 90 minutes telling the dog she was intimidated by him by her reactions, body posturing and the way she handled him, so the second she took that muzzle off to trim that face the dog took immediate advantage. I walked over, blew in the dog’s mouth, he closed it and blinked at me; I wrapped my hand around his muzzle and told her I’d take care of his face. The dog immediately relaxed. His perk ears dropped to the sides of his head, his tail dipped to a relaxed position, and the tension in his shoulders fell away. He no longer had to prove he was a toughie. He knew he’d been outmatched. I trimmed his face, and did all of my scissor work moving his head this way and that the dog didn’t even fuss at all.

“He likes you! He hates me!” She said and I laughed and shook my head, explained what had occurred. The dog had spent the day there. It was 4 hours into him watching what went on around him. I was telling the bather and her what to do, which dogs to work on, and doing my job of running the grooming shop. I groomed 3 aggressive dogs in that time, truly aggressive dogs, all of which have come to understand it’s going to happen anyway, so standing there and being cooperative makes it all go much quicker. I’m the only one that can groom them, then again likely the only one who would want to. I don’t tolerate any shenanigans. I don’t let them scratch me, bite me or jump around on the table; they’re only going to hurt themselves if they do. I use surgically sharp scissors, and I cannot let them get all wound up and act like lunatics. All I ask is they remain calm and when required they stand up. That’s it. Not hard rules, but the ones they must follow. This dog had a front row seat for all of it. His crate faced my table all day. When it came time to work on his face he knew he didn’t have half the vive, vigor or aggression the others that did as they were told to do had, so he went with the safe bet, relented, and was finished in about 5 minutes. As I worked on him I praised him for being so good and by the time I was finished he allowed the younger groomer to clean his ears.

I enjoy reading the tell tale signs that each person displays, consciously or not. It usually is quite interesting to know what someone is thinking without them saying a word of it. It can usually be a fun party trick as well. So the next time you’re in the mall see if you can figure out the conversations that are taking place around you by using your eyes instead of your ears. It can be truly enlightening!